Continuation

After a conversation with Laura, I decided that my last post was not as long as it should have been. I am missing a major piece of my hypothesis. There are basically two types of people people that are capable of loving others an people capable of loving themselves.

I tend to consider myself in the former of these two categories but I have known many people that are incapable of opening themselves to loving others. Selfish does not quite describe these people. The truth is there are many people that for whatever reason are takers as opposed to givers.

I love people. It's part of the reason I dedicated the last two years of my life serving others so that there may be greater growth in the mission field. It's also why I would have stayed in Korea if I was needed.

So, I have started trimming the fat of many of my friendships. I need people around me that are looking for more than what they can get out of me. Friendship is a two way street. While someone may be more invested than the other person, it does not give permission for the dominant person to walk all over the other person.

Fleshing this Out

I have had a running dialogue with my dad about a specific topic which, at first, really disturbed me. As I have given it more thought, I am beginning to believe his original warning nothing but true. While simplistic enough, it is a little worrisome. The thought is this, "In every relationship one person loves more than the other".

The scary realization is that I am beginning to agree with this. And I am beginning to think it's a healthy thing for relationships. I have always been one that is quick to observe, form an idea and then speak. This has helped me to keep a cool head, but has it's dark side as I am prone to over thinking. I have seen this truth happen time and time again. 

As I began talking this out loud with a friend, I have begun to realize that an important aspect that I have been ignoring is the level of sacrifice. As a Christian man I can't believe I unintentionally eliminated this aspect. The ultimate act of love ends in sacrifice (there are varying levels of sacrifice). Is the amount of love someone feels for there significant other reflected in how likely they are to sacrifice (themselves, their comfort, their future)?

Coming back to where I started. It has been several years since this idea has been planted in my head and I am still trying to find an exception to the rule. As I get to know people, and couples, I start seeing the love. The caveat I am starting to see is that the gap decreases over time.

This is just an idea that I need to expound upon, so if anyone wants to add to this thought feel free to offer some input.

2nd Random Thought

(This one was talked through with Scott) 

Airlines should just stop dragging everyone's opinion of them through the mud. Scott informed me that last year the airline companies made 1.6 billion dollars last year through extra fees. And still they are losing money.

Why do they keep making people mad? Why not just include everything in the original price. Nothing is more infuriating than getting to the checkout and having extra charges tacked on. As I prepared to fly home I was completely aware that I was never going to be able to pack all of my belongings into a single bag (truth be told, it was a stretch getting everything I wanted back in the two). So, I had to mentally prepare myself to deal with the hassle of paying for my extra bag not once, but twice. It would have been less of a strain for the company to just charge me for the 2nd bag with the assumption that (because I was flying across the Atlantic) I would have two bags.

Now the reverse of this, is the people that are going to raise a huge stink. I understand you can't make everyone happy. Inevitably someone would spill the beans that the airlines is charging people for bags that aren't being carried. But, who cares? Them taking on an additional $40 to the ticket price would hardly dissuade people from flying.

How about you just assume that everyone making transatlantic flights is carrying two bags and quote the price as such? You don't have to make everyone happy, just make my life a little easier.

I Don't Care...

what most people think of me. People have made various decisions about me and I couldn't care less. Lots make snap judgments about me without really taking the time to get to know me. So, when I hear from others what someone thinks about me (either good or bad) it is of very little consequence. However, if I have asked for advice or wisdom then chances are I do care what you think.

This was reinforced yesterday while at the wedding a casual acquaintance decided to not acknowledge me. And as I have just said, this meant very little to me, but it put a conversation later in the night in a different light. Shortly after I had given my toast to the newlyweds, I was approached by a long time family friend. This is a lady that has known me from my infancy and has cared and loved my family for decades. The thing that threw me for a loop (especially in contrast to the other interaction) was the question asking me for my advice. This person is my senior and she waited while I gave my opinions on the questions she asked. I love Zonda (anyone from the Ohio Conference of the Free Methodist Church knows exactly who I'm talking about) and would never want to do anything to disappoint her. This is obviously one of the people that I genuinely care what she thinks of me.

I believe these people know who they are. If you don't, I'm sorry, but you probably didn't make the cut. This by no means means that I don't care what you think (because if you are reading this, you have come into my life for a specific reason), I may weigh what you tell me a little differently than "the inner circle".

Sacrifice

As I sit here it is currently 10:59 on Sunday, May 23, 2010. This may seem like an inconsequential time and date to many people. I am however, not one of them. Currently a monumental television program is running, the likes of which we may never see again. The last six years has been building to this point, and I couldn't be more excited. The problem is, I am not watching this epic conclusion to one of the most complex shows of television history. I am sitting in the family room of my parent's house with the television off, trying to stay as far away from the news and social networking sites as possible. LOST is wrapping up in 30 minutes and I'm not watching it.

Now there can be some judgments made as to why as LOST-y, such as myself would be missing the apex of the show and that guess would probably be wrong. I'm not refusing to watch because it was a disappointing final season, nor am I not watching because I want to savor the experience when I am fully awake so I might soak in as much as possible. I am withholding the final two and a half hours because I wasn't able to watch the first part of the episode. And it is breaking my heart.

Full props to Laura for helping me become the LOST addict I am today. I arrived in Korea decidedly anti-LOST, because it seemed to be the popular thing to watch. It wasn't until the third season that I started watching (thankfully after the numbers had started to dip and less people seemed to be interested). Since then I have been hooked. I was even able to turn my parents and one sibling on to the show.

So, why did I miss the first hour of what might be the most important show of the decade? I was needed elsewhere. Today I was fortunate enough to witness the joining of Ben Blake and Amber Tink in holy matrimony. There are certain people in my life that I would do anything for (you know who you are, if you are in that circle I shouldn't have to tell you) and both Ben and Amber qualify for this distinction. So, when Ben asked if I would give a toast at his wedding reception I couldn't say 'no'. I am so touched that he has felt a close enough kinship with me to be able to share in his and Amber's day.

So, here I sit writing a blog for fear of seeing something that might disappoint my LOST series finale experience. But I am completely content having helped friends that I cherish and love. When it comes right down to it, it wasn't a sacrifice at all. I would make the same choice 100 out of 100 times.

The heart of it

As I sat watching the season finale of "Parks and Recreation" (yes, I do enjoy this show a lot), it was mentioned by one of the characters, that won't be returning, how wonderful the heart of the main character is. The exact quote was, "If everyone in government cared as much as you, I would probably still be working in the government".

This reminded me of something I was told before leaving the Dominican Republic. I was having a conversation with Trey Joyner (a great guy I wish I could see and talk to more) and he was affirming that no matter where I would eventually end up I would be able to make friends because I am a nice guy. I cannot even begin to describe how uplifting that was to hear. 

It is not an unusual thing to wonder what other people think of you. I am very fortunate to have surrounded myself with people that say the things I need to hear (whether it's the truth or not). My hope is to be as transparent as Leslie Knope.

Incommundicado

For the first time in nearly five years I find myself in a compromising situation. I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be needing to get (and use on a regular basis) a cellphone. Not since leaving my Galion cell in my grandma's capable hands have a carried a phone everywhere I have gone.  

It started in Korea (where Laura got very upset with this nuisance) and continued with me to the Dominican Republic (where Beth got very upset with this nuisance). While I had a phone in Romania, I only really used it to talk to one person (thank you Spencer). So, it was unused for most of my time.

What started out as playful defiance to not be like every cute little Korean 70 year old lady, jabbering away on the subway, became an apathy for the advancement of technology that may or may not have been necessary. What has become blatantly obvious is that much of the reason I was so resistant, was that I didn't want to carry around a communicative device that was essentially a constant reminder that people weren't trying to talk to me.

The flip side is also true. While I may not have people going out of their way to make plans with me, by not having a cell I was eliminating people from having that option. As I start thinking about what I need to transition back to the Dominican Republic, a SIM card is at the top of my list. I am excited to be heading back to people I know and am looking forward to the freedom that I have being able to dial them up.

My four years of being "incommunicado" is coming to an end. I'll pass along the number to anyone who's interested.